Connection

CONNECTION

What Is Connection?

What does that mean exactly? I see the word a lot, and I use it even more lately, and yet the meaning seems to shift based on our personal relationship with it, and the context in which it is used.

When I attended the Journey On Podcast Summit last fall (https://summit.warwickschiller.com), I had the opportunity to hear from some of the most brilliant minds who are clearing the trail for those of us who are just mounting up for the ride.  Minds like Leif Hallberg (https://leifhallberg.com), Kelly Wendorf (www.equusinspired.com), Jordanna Anawalt (www.choicetribe.com), Tom Mayes (www.tommayes.net) and SO many others! This entire blog could be filled with the names of those who have inspired me.

What caught my attention was that many of these speakers mention connection.  Kelly Wendorf has long been someone I have admired, and I have read her book Flying Lead Change (https://a.co/d/692kZjV) more times that should be admitted publicly. She claims leaders are selected through their ability to care and have presence, and to uphold those traits which are needed: Safey, Connection, Peace, Freedom, Joy.  Connection is often described in the void of what it is not.  Its opposing force according to Kelly is loneliness and isolation.  However, I don’t want to simply water down her very deep wisdom by saying proximity is the only precursor to connection. She also speaks of vulnerability, engaging, and belonging. What is belonging? She defines it as: “an intrinsic, relational, unconditional acceptance within our circumstances. It’s a sense of being entirely inside one’s element…an unconditional state.  Belonging is how a tree moves inside the soil, or a bird takes to the air.”

So, connection is more than an absence of isolation, it is being a part of something which fits you naturally, and without force.  I make this distinction because you can stand in a room full of people and feel isolated.  You can also be thousands of miles away from home and feel a deep bond to your loved ones left behind. Therefore, proximity is not connection. 

I also consider the layers of connection.  We can connect over the phone, we can have a video chat for work, or we can have the bond of a mother to her infant child.  There is a range of connection, which may be why it is so hard to lock down a definition.

HOW Do We Connect?

Another part of this “connection” word I ponder is the “how”.  HOW do we connect? According to Tom Mayes, horses have the ability to point out our “core soul journey” which can aid humans in aligning with our true self and thus finding purpose through our unique gifts, and this alignment begins with the physical body and its connection points to the other bodies such as our energy body, etheric body, etc. Woah! I’ll let that settle for a moment.  He calls horses “walking MRI’s” and also mentions that “the greatest distance in the human body is from the mind to the heart.” 

As a Registered Nurse and HeartMath Practitioner, the biology of the human body has been a deep study of mine, and I would agree with his statement regarding the connection of the heart and the mind.  What has been scientifically proven but is not well known is how the heart informs the mind, and not the other way around (in simplified terms).  You FEEL before you KNOW.  This sense of feeling then influences how the body responds, and then the brain is informed in an “ask for forgiveness not permission” approach in many situations.   When we connect to other people, we have an electromagnetic field that emanates from our heart outside of our body up to 8 feet.  When they overlap, we can connect – not just biologically, but also emotionally.   A horse’s EMF is 25 feet for reference!  This biological connection we have with others provides an opportunity to build stronger connections.

Our physical form has biological, chemical, and electrical connections such as if you plug in a light and it illuminates the room.  However, Tom goes deeper by saying that HOW we connect not just within ourselves, but with our environment, to other humans and animals, and on a larger scale, our PURPOSE, begins within these physical connections within the body.  He states that the best way to align these connection points is through compassion.  It is the core frequency of the quantum and will aid in clearing the pollution of the mind which impacts our bodily function and thus our ability to connect. 

Ok, Then WHY Connect?

Jordanna Anawalt states that horses and humans carry an agreement.  They agreed to walk with us, and we are to be a check point for balance and congruence.  When we stepped out of balance, they came along side us to help.  We must remember our part of the contract, to be the soul we were meant to be. 

Through this form of connection – a partnership, agreement, or contract with another being – we are asked to participate in a dance of reciprocity.  To participate in this dance requires an understanding of the expectations of how we are to show up in this space, what the expectations are of the other dance partner, and an alignment of our steps to create congruence. Congruence in this context means our thoughts and feelings match our actions and attitude, which is required in this dance of connection.  Another relevant “C” word is Coherence, or an easy flow of ideas, conversations, energy, and personal alignment.  Warwick, the podcast host (www.warwickschiller.com) would perhaps call this stage when we have achieved coherence via connection and congruence as “attunement”. 

By bringing these lessons from the horses into our personal lives, we begin to see how the concept of life follows art/art follows life starts to emerge.  As we shift how we interact with our horses, I am seeing an equal shift in how we interact with the people in our lives at work and home. 

Coming Together To Build Community Through Connection

I recently sat down with Kim McClelland of Five Star Horsemanship (www.5starhorsemanship.com) in preparation for our 2^nd connection focused clinic which will be happening June 13^th through the 15^th at my facility in Stanwood, WA to discuss connection and all things boundaries, kindness, compassion, respect, trust, and freedom of expression for horse AND humans. Day one of this clinic I take the participants through a number of experiences which are based in developing a relationship with horses, noticing, being present, and connecting to our nervous system which is primarily based in my HearthMath training and tools as well as integrating Masterson Method techniques.  Days 2 and 3 the participants bring their horses to us, and we take the tools they learned on day 1 with my herd and apply them to wherever they are in relationship with their horse.  It could be anything from where they are currently facing challenges in groundwork or mounted work to learning something entirely new.

Kim has been doing this work her whole life, and she begins our interview by telling me about how she grew up with horses in her life, and that was the catalyst to her decision to share her experience and knowledge with the equestrian community. “After finding out that it wasn’t normal [for everyone to have a horse in their backyard] it became a passion for me to want to share that.”

We start right off in our discussion of asking “What is Connection?”  She quickly explains that there are different kinds, primarily there’s mechanical and physical connection. With physical connection, you can connect simply by applying a piece of equipment. This connection becomes a pathway for communication.  Another connection is internal. This definition of connection requires “Kindness and compassion but also boundaries” to begin to build trust. She expands on this by saying “They [horses] respect the ability for a human to kindly and fairly have boundaries and at the same time be there for them. You have to build trust. That’s the connection I’m going for.”

She also reminds us that “Assertiveness is not the same as aggressiveness” when on the topic of boundaries, and we go deeper to discuss how boundaries are about us, and maintaining our space, not pushing back on and thus invading into the boundaries of another when they violate ours, but resetting our boundary with assertiveness, not aggression.  Emotional regulation is key to proper boundary setting, and to genuine and authentic relationships through proper boundaries.  Boundaries are the precursor to an authentic connection via this pathway of emotional regulation, congruence, consistency, and clarity.  

Safety And Resources

Kim highlights the need for safety.  A horse’s primary concerns are safety and resources. When we keep these two things in mind, we can begin to build trust without expectations that are built on a false identity. What I mean by that is we often will project meaning onto our horses via our own internal emotions and narratives about how we are interpreting what is happening in the moment. This interpretation is based on our past history and colors our perceptions.  Horses also have this connection to their history, and we also call out in our discussion that history can inform us, but it does not need to define us.   When we understand that the horse is seeking safety, connection, understanding, clarity and NOT looking to harm, frustrate, anger, or reject us; it becomes easier for us to approach with curiosity and seek the answer that brings them the clarity they are asking for.  When we can do this repeatedly, the trust can build from this space of clear and consistent messages which are not based in our assumption that they are purposefully acting out to frustrate us, but they are seeking an answer to a puzzle which we have not provided which will provide safety for them through clarity and understanding and a release of the mental pressure that comes with uncertainty and perceived risk of harm should they choose wrong.

Kim talks about redirection over correction as a choice for guiding horses to the answer. They don’t know that what they are doing is “wrong” they are simply responding to the environment as they perceive it in that moment.  They may not have all the information they need, or they may not prioritize it the way we do, and if we ask for them to shift their thinking, we must shift how we present the information.

It Begins With Us

The most important element in creating authentic connection, trust, and relationships with our horses which builds emotional and physical safety for both starts with US.  We must first begin to understand our own nervous system, our triggers, biases, and the lens we view the world through.  Then we must tap into our curiosity and presence so we can begin to show up with the horses in a way that is more familiar to their inherent culture.  Kim rightly says: “In fairness we have to think about the other being we are conversing with and relating to.”  She then goes on to say that the beauty of being present in the moment is that it creates elasticity for us. “Being with the horses teaching us to be here now and that we don’t have to replay it, and we can move forward.”

We are not always the thing we were in the past; we can be present in the moment with the horse and be open to possibility for both ourselves and the horse.  This is the way horses thrive by responding to the moment and not questioning reality but using the information from the past to guide their decisions through discernment. I mention this quite a bit in my work with Veterans and First Reponders as well as my retreats and leadership workshops, and it translates to all aspects of our lives. We can choose, we can change, we can evolve into who and where we want to be.  All that is required is that we are open and curious about possibility, listen to our own bodies and become aware of our minds.

Assess, Adapt, Apply

Kim has broken the process down into three easy steps: Assess, Adapt, Apply.  These three things fit perfectly on a sticky note by the way 😉.  Kim is in the process of writing a book, and these three steps play into every aspect of what she is planning to convey.  Lastly, she left us with these words of wisdom for the horse community: Give yourself permission to have freedom of expression. Be your whole self. Often, when people first become more aware there’s this worry or panic that they’re messing up or being too big or too harsh, so they go too far the opposite way and get so soft they hesitate or start second guessing every move they make.  You don’t have to get too soft or use kid gloves because this develops incongruence which the horses will not trust.  Be authentic, and open.  

At the end of the day, as I continue to ponder this word “Connection” in all of its forms, I am reminded of the wise words of Emelie Cajsdotter (www.friendsofmio.com) another brilliant speaker at the podcast summit:  “Not everything needs to be understood in order to be received.  Linear thinking will only take us so far.”  She reminds us that as we learn and expand our thinking, we shift our way of experiencing the universe, and as we do so, the universe is also shifting as it is experiencing itself through us. Seem pretty deep? You should hear what else she has to say!

To listen to the full audio of my discussion with Kim, follow this link: https://youtu.be/QEiHjIQ14xk

For more information on our upcoming clinic June 13^th-15^th please visit:  3 Day Equine Connected Partnership Clinic with Five Star Horsemanship and Spirit2Spirit - June 13th-15th, 2025

The June clinic is currently full for rider spots, but auditors are welcome!  Due to popularity, we opened another Connected Partnership clinic scheduled for September 12^th-14^th that does have rider spots open.  To register please go to: Equine Connected Partnership Clinic with Five Star Horsemanship and Spirit2Spirit - September 12th-14th, 2025

For more information about Kim McClelland: www.5starhorsemanship.com